(In my feelies and mind rn, so there’s a lot of typing. I al..
Added 2021-11-16 16:37:18 +0000 UTC(In my feelies and mind rn, so there’s a lot of typing. I also haven’t talked to anyone in a while.) Some conversations and topics make me regress socially and mentally. I’m looking forward to a future with more positivity and guidance. I miss having fun and being a pocket full of sunshine. I haven’t been like that in a while. I don’t really like a lot of how I am right now, especially with certain people or strangers. I would love for more joy to come into my life. Mostly because playing ghetto therapist does come at an emotional cost tp me. Sometimes, I put myself in less than stellar situations because I think I have to help or feel a need to make a positive difference in someone’s life. Sometimes, they can’t see it or receive it and I have to be respectful of that. I want to be mindful of the conversations and people I take into my life, too. If that makes sense. I want to be emotionally rich if I have a choice. I want to feel happy, free and loving. It’s a challenge to find good, high quality people to be around sometimes. Especially in certain industries. Most industries, honestly. Tyler the Stallion was really nice to me this morning and gave me some soft guidance I appreciated. I’m waiting on texts from my platonic friends in Orlando. I went off on Chad Thundercock super nasty these past 3 days. Idk what’s wrong with me or us. We feel a lot better after yelling at each other on phone. I think. I’m not sure. He deals with a lot. I don’t think a lot of the stuff either of us does to each other has been okay. Neither of us want to feel uncared about or stressed. I still need some more time to process and break away or mend things. I’ve been seriously toxic this year and I didn’t understand why. I still am, especially with Chad. Also, him with me. I don’t think either of us are bad guys, we’re just both stupid, stressed and broke in all sorts of Ways. It’s okay to take a break and be nice to myself. Also be alone. I’m looking forward to packing up my stuff and moving. I know my father said he’d be back from Europe in a week, but I never actually know when he’ll be back for gang gang or if he stayed in that country. I’ll clean, home Reno as much as I can, downsize, wake up, etc today. I wanted to go to Disney for Halloween or my birthday. Maybe christmas! 😍🥰❤️😋 I’ll work on cleaning my place. My place is like embarrassingly gross and depressing. It’s a depression apartment I feel trapped in. Chibi’s trap house is going to be the name of the fan club for chaturbate I think. Today, I’m gonna clean some more and try to get a handle on this old place. The ac I think is from 1669 and my t😭ilet has been randomly screaming like it’s moaning myrtle’s long winded fart. This place honestly just sucks. (I can’t get it out of my mind or stop bitching about it yet. Thanks for entertaining me and letting me talk while I am growing and progressing. Every morning I wake up, extremely mad at my floor and ceiling. Cuz I’m stupid and a lot of the situations I have going on are stupid. It makes me feel better to just say how I feel rn. ) I know the 30th is the usual deadline for the clean room. Feel free to join me if you struggle with cleaning ur place, too. I don’t mind failing again. I’ll try harder. I deserve a clean space, a nice space and peace. Anyways. Thanks for passing by or hanging out. You guys make me feel like I kinda exist. Thank you. I love you.
