⭐️Journal entry ⭐️ I really liked my first day of Art Basel..

⭐️Journal entry ⭐️ I really liked my first day of Art Basel. Yesterday was exciting cuz I got to talk for more than a minute and I left the house. 💛 I got to see a new place called The Citadel, enjoy a quality tech event and listen people bigger and more successful than I. The mayors had good energy and I would love to learn more about them and hear about what they’ve been up to. It’s nice to have great leaders who are genuine, caring and look out for the people and community.😁 There was also a splendid array of food at la Casa created by all the restaurants at The Citadel. 😍 The art galleries were lovely and I barely had to run away. The NFT art was quite lovely, too! It was sparkly and it moved. ✨ I loved every detail they had at the event. I networked and was able to kind of for real talk out loud to about 2 people before I started stuttering. 🤣 I’m gonna try harder at the event today. 💛 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I don’t know if it’s the autism, the off brand Asian upbringing, my shyness, the cultures I grew up in or a combination of it all… but I have a lot of trouble talking in real life. I didn’t know how weird I was until I went out and a lot of people told me I was. 😅 And it was a lot of people, I guess cuz…. It’s usually a classroom of 25 white puppies, 5 black/brown puppies and then tiny me. 🐶 So mathematically I’m going to be insane. Don’t mind me. 🥰 The stuff I was taking in eventually got to me even in adulthood. I know everything that happened to me was not my fault. I did not deserve any of it. I am allowed to move on from it and I’m supposed to. I am bigger. I turtled myself into the house or terrible choices/options thst I had at the time. It’s not thst I don’t want to fit in, but that I just don’t and the same people trying to give me advice are the ones causing me serious mental health issues. I usually forget thst I’m Asian until someone mentions it. Then I gotta remember I’m not in my world, I’m just in theirs. 🙄❤️‍🩹😭✨ I like to think I’m just another human in a mecha body. 🤣 (Tangents again, let me figure this shit out ): back to the important processing part, I didn’t know how much other people’s parents talked to them since I never had that until I went to American school and watched American tv. It’s completely different from what my parents were watching and feeding us. I wasn’t even allowed to consider dating people outside of my race or love. I’m not allowed to talk. It was like insanely bad and I don’t really recommend that route, 0 stars. 🤣 People only know what they’re taught. I can’t relate to most people so I lose myself before I can even talk. I think I would be stronger ajt talking if my parents talked to me or talked to me like I was a person. It always comes back to my family. I don’t like saying this but my family isn’t like other people’s families. I think I got weird in my head because there’s always signs everywhere that family is everything and family is good… but when I went to my family it just… broke me more? I just didn’t understand the vicious mental abuse cycle that was going on from it. I like thst I see it now so I can stop thinking about my family every time I see the word family. Hopefully. It’s weird and idk how to explain it. I want a mom that reads stories to me. I want someone to say good morning or good night to me. I wanted someone to hug me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. Or that they loved me. Or ask me about my day. Anything at all. I’ve been nonexistent for so long. I deserve love, too. I think it would be okay for me to let go of my family and try to imagine my own. I would love to get my shit together and foster kids if I don’t have this job or figure out some way to manage everything. I can’t even manage my own bathroom or hear another news piece about China without holding tears back about what I’ve seen online and in real life. 🤣😅😅😅 I’m gonna try to stand up to my family more this month and talk to more people in real life. I’m gonna try to talk to 3 people tomorrow at the casa event and THEN I’ll run away. I made it to 2.5 today then stuttering. Lol. I really liked the people I talked to yesterday and I’m really happy and proud of myself. Keep going! (Hopefully soon I can m..t a tech guy to help me with things. I hate getting hit on so I’ve had to ghost punch like 5 dudes. (*play song Cross me by Ed Sheeran and Chance the Rapper) I literally just can’t talk to you anymore if you try. I completely shut the fuck down when I see the text goes from business to something else. Stop hitting on me or trying to pull some weird shit on me when you’re lucky I reply. Fuck. Oh am still typing??? Fuck. Go brush ur teeth and run. )